Ups and downs

Feeling nk benti kje mai dahh... :(

When ur workplace becomes too demotivating...(sigh)

Will You Marry Me?

Came back from an ordinary..tiring day 

I was feeding the kids macaroni in homemade chicken soup while we watch Frozen, Ilham's choice of movie for the day. Honestly I was quite surprise by the movie chosen, but it's been more than half a year since all of us watch it so, neither Luqman or myself are complaining. 

Abang came back close to 8pm. After he shut the door behind him, I put down the bowl of food and went to greet him. As I step closer, he caught me by surprise when he went on one knee and propose to me.

I was speechless! Time seem to stop entirely. Though it was just like about 2 seconds, before we broke into laughter. It sure made my day (and a may be few more)..BIG time.

He was actually, just spontaniously and jockingly mock the scene from Frozen at that point of time, where Prince Hans propose to Princess Anna right after they finish their duet.

He's always crazy like that, being a clown and doing unexpected things without even thinking. But that's one of the things that never fail to make me fall in love with him again and again. Tq cayang!

See..wasnt really hard to made a tired wife's day and the next and the next a whole lot brighter. U dont even need to waste a single cent..dont even need to do much. I dont know about others, but it worked for me :)

Note:

Luqman and Ilham saw the whole 'proposing' scene and straightaway shouted.."But abah n mama are already married. You cannot marry again?". And the father replied,"Why not? I love her so much. Of course I can propose to her whenever I want." And everyone's giggling..

Are You Team?

I love being part of a team..

As capable as I can be when I am by myself, nothing can defeat an effective team.

It gives me social satisfaction. Learning to trust and being trusted.

Everybody is unique. Came from different walks of life, with different abilities and personalities..

Once glued together, move together, aiming for the same purpose..all goals seemed achievable..

I starting to love my new team..

Sad but true

As what it has been this past 2 weeks..my heart been aching when I woke up in the morning with the thoughts of going to work.

Alarm would go off at 530am and I would have to leave, latest by 7.00am. It's pretty much same ritual for a 'makan gaji' person like me. But I just can't keep myself from wondering, wattahell happened to me that I resent and loath going to work so much.

Will have to brave it anyway..an hour at a time.. :(

Baju Luqman..

Abang bagi baju nie kat aku pg td..dlm kete..aku menahan je air mate yg bergenang waktu cium baju tu. Langsung aku bawak g opis.

Bau Luqman..bb Mama..Mama indu...

~(T__T)





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Abah Nak Ostesen

Today, 15 February 2012, is going to be the last day for me n the kids to spend time with Abang. He'll be going to Hatyai, Thailand n will only be back by Sunday and goes to work the next day.

Ksian kami. Masa bsama dgn Abah slalu sgt terhad. Hopefully, we can spend it wisely.

Abah, balik kje awal hari tau. Sian kat kanak2. Slalu pon sempat, xsempat je jumpe Abah dorg stiap hari. Tgalkan la dorg dgn ingatan manis bsama Abah, idola dorg.

Haihh..mane la nak bawak dorg jalan werkend nie. Any idea?


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Bila Hati Berkata-kata...#1_2012

Kadang-kadang..apa yang diperlukan hanyalah satu usapan di ubun-ubun, kucupan di dahi dan satu kata-kata sayang..maka lenyaplah segala marah, terlupa semua rasa xpuas hati dan hilang segala rasa penat, badan dan otak. Diri rasa lebuh dihargai..rasa berbaloi segala susah payah dan lelah..

Susah sangat kah??

Dilemma...

Saya ada dilema..

Atas urusan rasmi, saya perlu ostesen ke Singapore selama 3-4 hari during fasting month.

Then lps raya, aroun end of sept atau early okt, kne ostesen pulak ke europe selame 2 mgu.

Tentative ketika ostesen mmg full, so i'll hv to be mobile all the time.

Bunyi mcm best kan? Ape taknye, this is a chance of a life time. Bile lg nk dpt g oversea dtanggung. Sambg blaja tu len citer la kan. Kalu harap nk kua duit sndri nk mkn angin ke sane, tah bile2nye. Kemungkinan besa mmg xla kan. Ini jugak salah satu cara utk majukn diri dlm bidg kerjaya.

Prob is, saya merupakan seorg ibu yg menyusukn my lil bb boy secara exclusive. Bb dh umo 11 bln. Tapi stok susu adalah sgt terhad n mmg xkn ckup utk cover bb even utk selama 3 hari berturut2.

The idea of weaning adalah sgt dreadfull. Hanya ibu2 yg menyusukn anak tau betapa nikmatnya menyusukan bb. Not to mention kite sgup bsusah payah menyusu secara exclusive sb nk beri yg terbaik utk bb kite. N sblm nie aku mmg target nk susukn bb hingga 2 tahun.

Waktu Luqman dh terlepas sb aku peknen 2nd bb. So utk ilham nie, kalu bole nak la susukn die selama yg bole n kalu bole smpai dia 2 thn. Honestly, aku blum ready nk wean skg. N die pn mmg sgt3 close dgn aku n the idea to leave him even for 1 nite pon aku xsgup. Inikan pulak 2 mgu. Mau meroyan aku...

So..to all dear frens..pls share ur opinion, advice or even experience. Saya adalah buntu ketika ini n seriously, i dread each passing day cos that means its 1day closer n i'm still torn n undecided..





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Entry debar - part 3

Lame eh aku xtulis entry. Lepas entry debar hari tu, terus sepi. Pe citer eh?

Ok la...aku kasi update.

Update kronologi...

~ 14 Disember 2010 - Anta surat bertukar ke admin

~ 18 Januari 2011 - Sent follow up email to JPA

~ 19 Januari 2011 - JPA reply kate surat dah diterima n sedang diproses

~ 28 Januari 2011 - Dpt emel dr JPA. Surat bertukar dah siap! Sila datang amek!!!

~ 8 Februari 2011 - Lapor diri n mintak tangguh 2 mgu

~ 21 Februari 2011 - Bertugas secara official di tempat baru

Kasi citer skit aa perihal lapor diri.

7 Februari 2011 (Isnin)

Awal2 pagi lagi, Puan Ct dah wish slmt lapor diri. Macik ini selalu xctd2 n xkn lupa wish2 aku. Tq dear :D However, hari itu aku adalah cuti sb nk bawak kenit2 dua org tu ke klinik utk check up n cucuk di KKPJ. Nt2 je la aku citer pasal bebudak tu, sebab inikan entry debar (cett..).

Walaupun aku kne lapor diri di area KL saje, tp tpt yg perlu aku g tu mmg sgt la macik xfamiliar. Dan smpai hari tu pon stil xsempat2 nk survey jalan ke sane. Maklum la cuti raye cina hari tu adalah sgt3 preoccupied dgn budak2 yang sakit. Dah sakit harus la meragam xigt kan.

So, belah malamnye, aku n abah n ita g la survey jalan nk ke tpt berkenaan. Tu pon lepas mak n abah jenuh la cube xplain tpt tu kat sini-sane-ikut jalan sini-ikut jalan sane-jalan nie pon bole-jalan tu pon bole-eh tapi sini jem-elok ikut situ pulak-xpon naik komuter aje la-bla3....haihhhh. I am one directionally-challenged person. I can drive well (merempit smbil ngantuk-nguap2 pon bole :P ), BUT i have trouble remembering routes, esp to places i seldom or never been to. Jalan2 di KL nie adalah sgt banyak name2 die tuan2 n puan2. Pening la macik nk mengingatnye, walaupun di bantu cik gugle-earth. Kalu dulu, nk g tpt yg aku xpnah g mmg bole, tp, aku akan print google map n cantum2 n bawak waktu nk cari tempat yg nk dituju. Ish3..kronik eh?

Say what u want about it. I kno its typical. Tapi kebenarannye, itulah kekurangan patik. Its easier for me to remember images of places, rather than the whole work n where it forks n what junction to take n so on. Saya mmg lembab di situ, unless, i went through it dozens of time, till i learn by heart. Haa...baru la bole rempit sambil pejam mate kan, echehh :P

Hepp...merapik sudaaa...

8 Februari 2011, Tuesday

Tdo mlm adalah terganggu dek En. Ilham yang mrgm sb batuk n idung sumbat. But stil, pagi itu aku ase sgt riang n ceria. Sebab? Aku dpt nikmati matari pagi n ase sejuk2 yg nyaman bile En. hb blanje aku bekpas naci lemak di gerai2 berdekatan Kolej Unikop. Xsedap pon nasi lemak tu. Milo kurang manis die pon masih sgt manis di tekak ku. Tp...rase sgt fresh pg tu. (Ye la...slalu aku gerak dari umah pukul 6 suku, 6 stengah mcm tu. Smpai putrajaya pon gelap lagi. Slalu pukul 5 suku dah kne bangun. Hari tu, bangun pukul 5 suku, bg ilham susu, bole sambg tdo kjap, lagi sejam :P Walaupun cume extra one hour, tp adalah sgt berharga okehh :D

Tepat jam 8.30pg, lps bekpas dgn boipren tersayang, bergerakla patik menuju destinasi baru. Blum pkul 9pg dh smpai...Wow! Cari parkg-cari blok yg berkenaan-jmpe pegawai yg berkenaan, sume settle by 9.40pg. Huyooo...Tapi macik perlu balik semule ke opis di Putrajaya. But before that, balik umah dulu sebab sakit perut, tgk budak2 comot yg mrgm itu, bg En. Ilham susu sume, then baru g opis Putrajaya. Before 12pm dh ada sane...

Haihh....pejam celik...pejam celik, Jumaat depan suda smpai my last day. Jap je tangguh 2 mgu konnonye. Not exactly 2 mgu. Kire mcm mgu nie + mgu depan = 2 mgu, gitu aa...Stakat nie, kawan2 unit dh mule tau. Patik pon dh start kemas2 buang smpah sarap n brg2 yg beranak-pinak sepanjang 3 tahun aku dok kt sni.

Pe citer sterusnye...nantikan episod akan datang :P

Entry debar - part 2

Huhuuu...aku dah tau. Tapi pon masih blum btul2 tau....

(Haih ida, renti2 kan la propa ko tuh...)

(Eh, bkn propa tau. Aku btul2 ase mcm yg aku tulis tu tadi!)

Sila abaikan monolog2 di atas. Orang serabut mmg byk halusinasinye.

Mcm nie. Senang citer, berikut adalah kronologi:

~ 14 Disember 2010 - Anta surat bertukar ke admin

~ 18 Januari 2011 - Sent follow up email to JPA

~ 19 Januari 2011 - JPA reply kate surat dah diterima n sedang diproses

~ 28 Januari 2011 - Dpt emel dr JPA. Surat bertukar dah siap! Sila datang amek!!!

Aku tau, aku spatutnye bersyukur dpt bertukar cepat. Tp....adehhh....seyes ase berkecamuk gile nih. Kalu td berdebar2 je xbenti. Skang pon xbanyak bezenye. Siap tekak aku ase kering lagi. Huhuuu... (Apekah?)

Aku ase mcm sume nie terlalu tibe2.

Ase xbsedie. Xbsedie nk tgalkan tpt kje yg seolah dh jadi umah kedua aku sepanjang 3 tahun kat sini....

Ase xpuas. Xpuas lg nk buat macam2 lagi kat sistem2 yang aku jaga. Aku bkn la pndai mane pon. Sistem yg aku jage, bukan la best atau dikenali ramai pon, just user2 aku je yg tau. Tp aku ske kerja yg aku wat skang. Workload agk byk, tp aku sbnrnye agak enjoy menguruskan sistem/projek yang ada. Banyak yg aku dh blaja n byk lg yg nk aku blaja...

Ase sedih. Sedih nk tgalkan kawan2 yg dah aku kenal, walaupun xla serapat mane, tp slalu jadi teman makan, teman berbual, teman tanye itu-ini...

Ase takut. Takut memikirkan suasana kt tpt baru. Macam mane suasana kerjanya, org2nya, bosnya, expectationnya (byk outstation kah? byk stay back kah?)...

Huhuuu...dlm hal ni, aku hanye mampu berfikir positip n meneruskan hidup sebagaimana biasa, dan bersangka baik sambil berusaha yang terbaik. Semoga apa yang ada hari ini adalah lebih baik dari semalam dan esok akan lebih baik dari hari ini, tak kira la di mana aku berada...

Saat nie, aku pasrah...

Entry debar

Aku ase takut...isau...

Berdebar2...

Macam nk gigil pon ada...

Aku ase nk pengsan...

Lepas dpt emel ITU.

Aku baru bgtau abang...dengan harapan dpt kurangkan debar nie...

Tp xgk kurang.

Aku kne tgu pukul 3 petang nie. Mkin time tu baru kurang/hilang debar kot. Ke lagi tmbah debar lagi.?

Huhuuuu.....

Mode emo...

Was blog-hopping. Then stumbled upon this blog .

Aku ase tak mampu nk bernafas...makin bace makin sesak nafas aku. N aku tak mampu bace lagi ~(T__T)~

Can never imagine if it happens to me.

Even, yesterday, knowing abang walked alone, in the dark, from stesen komuter Batu Tiga to his office in Glenmarie at mid nite drove me crazy. Segala fikiran buruk datang menambah risau, menyesakkan nafas, xbole tdo aku dibuatnye.

(Gambar2 adalah imaginasi pengarang, ihsan dari En. gugle)

'He left his Waja @ his office and fetched me from my office with my neo yang dah dirawat oleh para Dr. di klinik Proton Shah Alam. He even brought the filthy neo pegi mandi before came to me. We ride home together, again. So...last nite, @ about 9pm, he made me send him to the nearest komuter station, so he can go n fetch his car. He stubbornly dismiss my idea to send him to the office. He said it's late, it's raining, it's far, it's costly (tol n petrol), bla3...But i kno he wanted me to look after the kids, try to rest n sleep early if possible . Alhamdulillah, he came home safely at 1 plus.'

Even when he's on call, driving to or from his office at wee hours, sometimes with little or no sleep at all, makes my heart ache. Ache from hurt, anger, bitter, pity and mostly worry (women r one worry-prone creature, sigh..).

Even tengok citer P.S I Love You, made me cry n cry, cos i can never imagine if i'm in Holy's shoe.

Aku rasa aku belum cukup kuat.

Bukan nak melawan ketentuan-Nya. Semua yang hidup pasti akan mati. N aku tak tahu ape yang akan ditentukan untukku oleh-Nya. Dia Maha mengetahui, apa yang tebaik untuk hambanya. Tapi sebolehnya, aku xpernah putus berdoa supaya jangan la aku diuji kehilangan insan2 yang aku sayang. Aku takut aku xmampu meneruskan hidup lepas tu. Biarla aku pegi dlu (tapi takut jugak sb amalan xcukup, xmo masuk neraka. Dasar manusia tamak, dushh!!).

*****

Ketahuilah wahai En. Mohd Khairul, anda amat-amatlah disayangi dan diingati sentiasa, dalam doa, dalam tidur, ape tah lagi ketika jaga despite kisah hidup kita yang penuh pasang-surut n naik-turun.

Kasihani la penunggu setia ini. Yang xpernah jemu menunggu n menanti kepulanganmu yang slalu tiada di sisi. Yang xpernah jemu berkhidmat segala walaupun penat. Yang selalu patah hatinya diubat sendiri.

(Agak2 kalau balik lambat ke, sms la bgtau. Nak g ostesen ke, inform la awal2. Kalau org bg sms tu, jgn la dekk je. Sedih oo..)

Semoga apa yang kita ada hari ni, dapat dihargai n dinikmati, dengan izin-Nya sementara masih ada. Aminn..

*****

- Xpasal2 jadi entry leleh pulakk -

Masih mode muntahan hati...

Hari nie, masih dalam mode muntahan hati...

Tapi...

Aku dah tinggalkan abang di rumah..
dan di dalam kete...

Harap sgt die xikut aku masuk opis...

Bagi la aku wat kje dengan tenang, kje banyak nie...

...

Saat nie aku ase sgt kosong...
Hidup nie seolah hilang makne dah...
Takde ape dah nk di look forward to...
Saat nie aku berhenti mengharap...apa2 pun...

Tapi aku masih bernafas
So...teruskan je la hidup spt biasa
Selagi masih bernyawa

Muntahan Hati...

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Lil Notes.. - #2

Ooo tis blog is in dire need of a revamp. Looks so damn old n boring. Shud i start 'revamping' or shud i write some post first. Hrmmm....

Perhaps write something first lah..

Lil Notes..

I know it's been too long a silent. N i know too, that there's too many updates that i skipped. But...that, to hinder any new updates is just wrong too, coz then my blog will be totally deserted (by me). So..i'l just continue with whatever news/updates i can n will (no promises but i'll definitely try), maybe, will reminisce past events for the sake of documentation for when the memories might fade. Hmm...

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Hati yang terbuku..

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Setahun dua hari...

Tak baikkan aku...

Luqman dah berumo setahun 2 hari, hari ni. Aku xwat pon entry utk die.

Xmcm mk2 budak len yg xctd bile anak die dh setahun. Siap wat besday party bagai, baught presents, bawak g jalan2 n this n that. Aku?

Bkn aku xigt. Bkn aku xpdulik. Tapi...

Aku sbnrnye nk sgt share skit gmba2 yg aku amek pakai henpon buruk aku nie sempena besday luqman tu hari. Xde la kek pon. Just gmba die sdg beraktiviti skit. Tapi cable-henpon-ke-pc dh lame ilang. Card reader pon xde. So...terperam la gmba2 n video luqman yg sgt xclear kt dlm henpon aku tu je. Untuk tatapan aku sorg :(

Nt kite celebrate skit kt umah nenek n atok kt Bullion ek luqman...Kebetulan besday luqman adelah sehari sblm aku gaji n aku adelah sgt sengkek ketike itu. Even abah luqman balik lmbt mlm tu. So nk kua mkn pon xdapat. Aku ade cube nk singgah ke Petronas kat umh aku ptg tu, ptg besday luqman tu. Sebab kt situ asenye ade jual cupcake. Tapi, dengan xsemena2 tersangat la penuhnye smpai xde ruang lgsg aku nk parkg. Kat tepi2 pon penuh. So dengan rase xkuase nk tgu lame bercampo sedih, aku pon balik je la umh, tengok Adamaya bersame luqman, like we use to every evening. Bile pk2 balik, kalu aku bli pon cupcake tu, sape la nk mengambik gmba luqman. Sementare aku prepare nk snap gmba tu, harus selamat cake tu dipicit2 n dilap2 luqman ke lantai. Ish3...Mamat tu sgt pantas, lasak n licik okeh...Xpadan dengan xreti jalan, xreti cakap n bergigi 2 batang je.

Haihhh....xpasal2 je entry sedey pagi2 jumaat nih :p

InsyaAllah, weekend nie akan aku cube cari care utk transfer gmba dari henpon ke pc jugak3. N share it here. Bkn sengaje nk menunjuk2. Tapi...blog nie je la yg aku ade utk dokumenkan riwayat idup sementare sempat n teringat. Ala2 online diary for stuffs that are not so PnC. Penting tu. Aku menusie biase, takat mane je la ingatan kan, bape tahun sgt la pon aku bole igt sumenye esp all the details. Gmba2 tu n all my babbles ni nt la yg jadi reminder to all that happened, be it the sweet or the bitter memories that i've had.

K la. Macik nk smbg wat kje. Ari Jumaat nie mase pendek. Rehat lame. So kne la rushing skit.

Hmm....ase mcm nk g Alamanda la lunch nie. Nk bli barang skit. Haa...kne bli makanan gk. Abah luqman ckp die blk extra lmbt tonite :( sebab ade jamuan kt opis.

Oooo yee...b4 i totally forget. Kan tadi aku ckp abah luqman balik lmbt skit on luqman's besday. Bersame baliknye die (ape punye ayat daa...nangis cikgu BM aku kalu die bace nih :p ), die bawak 1 surat. He got promoted! Yeayyyy....Tahniah abang. u deserved it. Ye2...aku tau aku banyak kutuk gile TIME yang slalu mencuri mase berharge laki aku tu bersame famili comelnye, but, as long as he's happy, i'm happy for him. Awalnye, TIME janjikan salary review. But getting a promotion is a bonus :) Berbaloi la dengan segala usaha, n susah payah abang selame nie. N as for him, die ase promotion tu sgt bermakne, selain dari mungkin rezeki bb kcik, tarikh surat promotion tu jugak jatuh pade tarikh besday luqman.

N as for me. Aku terase sgt hiba n syahdu mlm tu. Sb...akhirnye doaku didengarNya. Xtau nk ckp cmane perasaan tu. Lame...lame dah aku doakan supaya dimurahkan rezeki kami sekeluarga, supaya dapat kami perbaiki kehidupan kami dalam usaha membesarkan anak2 kami, dipermudahkan kami keluar dari belenggu hutang yang ada n so on..n so on...Perasaan doa didengar dan dimakbul is priceless. Terase diri nie disayangi. Huhuuu.....

To all, Selamat Hari Jumaat. Semoge hari anda dirahmati n diberkati n Happy Weekends too